A Personal Story of Struggle, Surrender, and Renewal

There are times when life takes us into the wilderness—moments of uncertainty, fear, and longing for guidance. Your wilderness might look different from mine, but the pain of not knowing what’s next, the desperate prayers for God to “do something to make this better!” and the weary hope that somehow God still has a plan—these are experiences we share.

I'd like to share a wilderness season from my life. It’s a story of struggle, surrender, and the unexpected renewal that happened when I finally stopped fighting to control something beyond my control. Through it, I hope you will find the courage and faith you need to find strength in your own wilderness places.

When Everything Felt Like Too Much

My turning point came on New Year’s Eve, 2013, when I finally stood up and decided that I would do whatever it took never to have another year like 2013. I was exhausted—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and I was tired of resisting what was happening in my family.

For years, I had prayed for God to heal my husband’s alcohol addiction and restore our marriage. I longed for a miracle that would change our story and glorify God.

But instead of healing, things got worse. I dealt with increasing anxiety and confusion, unsure of what to do or which direction to take. I couldn’t sleep. I cried and trembled with fear every time I drove into my neighborhood because I didn’t know what I’d find when I entered my house.

I kept praying, believing, and hoping—yet nothing seemed to change. Except this:

The Gentle Nudge

One afternoon, while riding my bike down Easter Avenue, I heard a quiet but unmistakable whisper in my spirit: “Get help.”

I argued back, “I don’t even know how to get help!” and then, I added brazenly, “If you want me to get help, Lord, you’ll have to bring help to me.” And that’s precisely what God did for me. God takes what you give Him, even if it’s only the tiniest smidgen of willingness!

Help started coming to me. A friend to walk with and share my experiences — she had been through the same thing. She referred me to other friends who had insight into the kind of help I needed. I spent an afternoon in the library, seeking the wisdom of various writers. I discovered a therapist with insight into addiction and how it impacts family members. I found Al-Anon, where people listened without judgment and encouraged me to keep coming back and experience the support I so desperately needed.

Gradually, I understood why I felt stuck. I had been waiting for others to change so I could find happiness. But happiness comes from within, and if anyone needed to change in this situation, it was me. It was time to identify what I truly needed. A difficult realization for me was that I need sober interactions. Others might not need this, but I do, as it allows me to rest, refresh, and stay healthy.

I started to realize that I have choices. We all do, but I’m not responsible for others’ decisions. I am only accountable for my own well-being. The rest is in God's hands. If someone needs to change, that’s God’s prerogative, not mine.

I began to find the courage to make life-affirming choices, to protect the one life I have. This is my life. How do I want to use it?

Unexpected Outcomes

I had prayed for my husband and marriage to heal. What I received instead was courage.

· Courage to make hard choices.

· Courage to stop waiting for someone else to change.

· Courage to rebuild my life—one brave step at a time.

Eventually, I went through a divorce, found a job, invested my small savings in an affordable condominium, and worked on rebuilding my relationship with my daughters. Through every tough decision, I continued praying for my husband’s healing—even as our paths took separate directions.

When he died just four and a half years later, at age 61, I mourned deeply—not only for the man I loved and missed terribly, but also for the dream of what might have been. Closing that chapter was painful. Yet, amid the loss, I also felt God’s “very present help” in deeper, more profound, and practical ways than I’d experienced before.

What the Wilderness Taught Me

There were many moments when I felt desperate and profoundly sad. I wept. I screamed in the car with music blaring, “What. Is. Happening. To. Me? How is THIS Your will???” I wanted answers.

I was angry. This was not the answer I wanted. Through it all, though, I never stopped trusting. God loves us dearly. We walk in God’s favor. God hears the cries of our hearts, and in this, God is working, though I cannot fathom how or why it needs to look this way.

Through it all, I held onto faith. Looking back, I realize that something sacred was unfolding. I became stronger—leaning into my character, my values, my convictions, and my faith. This wilderness—this experience I never would have chosen in a million years—was gradually turning into holy ground. It was becoming a sacred space where my trust in the loving God who tirelessly works for our good was creating a place in the world where I could stand with confidence. A stable place to stand. And my experience gradually settled from chaos into a peaceful, guided path.

I discovered that God uses our difficult times to build deep character in us—resilience, peace, and a renewed understanding of love that isn’t based on circumstances. All we need is the tiniest bit of trust—even that small amount can overcome fear, and we can even ask God for that little bit of trust. This is the work God longs to do in everyone. God’s love is all-encompassing, and His willingness to help is unfailing.

Over time, I developed new relationships based on faith and recovery. My fears eased. I've discovered a new direction in life that aligns with my passion for helping others thrive. The God I had taught about for years as a Community Bible Study Teaching Director became so much more personal and closer to me than I had ever experienced before.

Encouragement for You

If you find yourself in your own wilderness right now, please hear this: it’s not the end of your story.

The wilderness can be a place of profound renewal if you let God lead you through it. His love hasn’t changed. His presence hasn’t left. He can bring you help, healing, and unexpected new beginnings—just as He did for me. Whatever your struggle, there is hope on the other side.

Closing Thought

You don’t have to have it all figured out to take your next step. Sometimes the first brave move is simply whispering, “Help!" And help will come because the God who met me on Easter Avenue is the same God walking with you through your wilderness—leading you toward a future full of faith, strength, and renewal.

💛 A Reflection for Your Journey

If you’re in a season of transition—grieving what’s been lost, unsure what’s next, or longing for renewal—I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve walked that road, too.

As a coach, I now help people navigate these in-between spaces with faith and clarity, discovering the new life that can emerge from pain and uncertainty.

If this story resonates with you, I invite you to reach out for a free discovery call. Together, we can explore what your next chapter might look like—and how to move toward it with peace, courage, and hope.

Schedule a Discovery call I’d love to hear your story!

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